there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
