Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
