Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just pee around me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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