Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
