Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
