can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
