Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
