We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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