I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
