Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We need to get me chipped asap
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
