It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
