You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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