4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
