If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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