He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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