omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
