they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
