so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My hand turned me down
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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