i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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