Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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