he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
