U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
