Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
