The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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