he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
