I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
