Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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