That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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