It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
