FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
