yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
