Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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