I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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