i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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