A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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