like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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