So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
