I will die if light touches me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
