Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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