We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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