If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
