VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
