The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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