i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
