I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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