let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
