After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
