Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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