See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
