Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
