Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
