im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize