I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
