something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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