i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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