I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
