i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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