I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
