after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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