its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
