Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?

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  (810): Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you? http://tfl.nu/wjcf
  Replies (2) Good night (2732) Bad night (962)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

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  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (4450) Bad night (16683)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come

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  (313): im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come http://tfl.nu/9b59
  Replies (30) Good night (4217) Bad night (800)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol

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  (330): So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol http://tfl.nu/6yav
  Replies (79) Good night (4793) Bad night (1891)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry

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  (804): i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry http://tfl.nu/11d0
  Replies (19) Good night (5926) Bad night (768)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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  (407): I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong. http://tfl.nu/42z4
  Replies (7) Good night (1433) Bad night (2801)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (37) Good night (15711) Bad night (1502)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there

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  (540): Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there http://tfl.nu/4j17
  Replies (7) Good night (3669) Bad night (1082)
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  (247): View more from

  Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

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  (247): Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me. http://tfl.nu/wk5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1060) Bad night (4465)
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  (315): View more from New York

  when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'

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  (315): when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly' http://tfl.nu/2ku4
  Replies (6) Good night (4029) Bad night (1084)
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  (310): View more from California

  I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.

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  (310): I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you. http://tfl.nu/hk53
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (581)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...

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  (775): You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper... http://tfl.nu/b471
  Replies (5) Good night (492) Bad night (1201)
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  (315): View more from New York

  If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...

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  (315): If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese... http://tfl.nu/j6gy
  Replies (5) Good night (681) Bad night (407)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it

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  (+61): I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it http://tfl.nu/kgh9
  Replies (0) Good night (353) Bad night (556)
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  (310): View more from California

  I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.

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  (310): I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor. http://tfl.nu/yj4k
  Replies (4) Good night (555) Bad night (353)

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