Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

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  (913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you. http://tfl.nu/mcnp
  Replies (69) Good night (2249) Bad night (11620)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel

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  (484): Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel http://tfl.nu/fa0o
  Replies (6) Good night (3818) Bad night (675)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (39386) Bad night (1828)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.

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  (850): He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight. http://tfl.nu/5341
  Replies (8) Good night (601) Bad night (3151)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.

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  (515): "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time. http://tfl.nu/in1x
  Replies (15) Good night (4443) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'

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  (925): I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized' http://tfl.nu/3ov3
  Replies (14) Good night (4452) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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  (401): You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice. http://tfl.nu/tgfk
  Replies (2) Good night (2636) Bad night (1051)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"

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  (206): it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting" http://tfl.nu/ix3k
  Replies (8) Good night (3248) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.

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  (440): If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times. http://tfl.nu/5360
  Replies (2) Good night (3508) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here

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  (757): I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here http://tfl.nu/86vy
  Replies (4) Good night (1949) Bad night (804)
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  (562): View more from California

  So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.

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  (562): So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now. http://tfl.nu/6kpj
  Replies (17) Good night (728) Bad night (2186)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.

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  (260): I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is. http://tfl.nu/8her
  Replies (16) Good night (1510) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.

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  (925): I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off. http://tfl.nu/d0dp
  Replies (5) Good night (1486) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.

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  (443): 6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego. http://tfl.nu/2reg
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.

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  (937): Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist. http://tfl.nu/ypin
  Replies (1) Good night (340) Bad night (209)

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