if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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