I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.