i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
