Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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