David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
