I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
