But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
