So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
